There's a reason there's tears of joy and tears of pain. Life is both oh so beautiful and oh so painful and tears come on both ends. Tears are the ultimate anthem for "losing it". Tears of pain and joy both signify that you couldn't keep in your emotions. Perhaps both instances of "losing it" are needed. Let me explain.
This past July I was honored to be a groomsman at one of my best friends' weddings and holding back tears was close to impossible. There I was standing in front of 150 people by my buddy's side and although I couldn't let too many tears come and steal the moment, I shed more than a few.
I was watching my best friend marry his best friend and life partner and I cried tears of joy just thinking of it. To see someone you've gone through life with commit to the love of his life right in front of you and express his love for her right there was a special moment and tears of joy were all but inevitable.
Now rewind a couple months. I was walking to Lakota Coffee downtown Columbia, Missouri for my morning coffee and I lost it. "It" finally hit me. My Dad passed away October of 2021 and this was maybe April of 2022. I couldn't help but burst out crying. I was so strong to this point. I tried to be a rock everyone could lean on at the funeral and beyond but here in this moment, alone with my thoughts, I lost it. Tears of pain were all but inevitable.
I have written a post on masculinity in the past on this website and in my opinion too many men are scared of emotions. You don't want to be seen as the guy crying at the wedding or crying at the funeral. Masculinity is falsely stereotyped as emotionless.
My take: Masculinity is not the absence of emotion but the presence of it and the ability to control it and use it for good.
No, you should not be the guy in hysterical tears at the funeral but maybe you should be the guy crying in your therapists' office. No, you should not be the guy in hysterical tears at the altar at your friend's wedding but perhaps a phone call a week later congratulating your friend, a couple tears are ok.
It is ok to show emotion but letting your emotions control you is not ok. We all have emotions but you have to be in control of them so they can work for you and not against you.
Why Life Is So Beautiful And Painful and Why We Need Both
Think about the following statement for a second...
Life is so beautiful because it is painful and life is so painful because it is so beautiful.
The first part is kind of clichéd but the second part hasn't been discussed.
There's people out there that see everything as beautiful. they only see the good in life and they only see rainbows. This used to be me.
Then tragedy strikes and life becomes a nightmare because they have never dealt with pain or they have avoided the pain that has been thrown at them. If everything were seen as beautiful, what happens if a snake bites you? The snake does not care about your mindset, it just bites.
There is a yin and yang to everything. The upside always has a downside. People who are always happy are manic. People who are happier spend unnecessary amounts of money. People who are always happy tend to be impulsive. I have been all of these things and have had to learn to control my upside.
Controlled joy will beat fleeting happiness every time and seeing the beauty in the pain and the pain in the beauty will beat just seeing pain or just seeing beauty.
My Take On All This
I have been through so much but I am not unique. Struggle is relative. Pain is inevitable. The human condition and buddhists have been preaching this for years. You cannot control 99.99999999% of things that happen in the world but you can control your reaction to those things.
You cannot control the customer at the pharmacy, you cannot control your manager, you cannot control the emotions of either but you can control your work ethic and doing your job the "right way". There's a core belief in Christianity that if you truly believe Jesus is Lord and authentically believe it, you will be saved. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are doing your best job at work and you truly believe that at your core, the reactions of other people to your best job should not get to you.
You cannot control what you were born with. You cannot control that you were born in a 3rd world country and you cannot control that you were born an introvert. You cannot control the social class you were born into nor the intellect or personality you were born with. You cannot control your height or your facial structure And.....
What are you going to do? You have to make the most of what you were given. You have to take the pain and struggle that the "universe", "God" or evolution gives you and choose your reaction to it.
So that girl at the coffee shop or bar rejects you. Perhaps you are better looking and more intelligent. Perhaps you have a better job and nicer clothes and perhaps you attract the girl 8 out of 10 times. But, perhaps...
She says she has a boyfriend.
You cannot control that she has a boyfriend. Maybe she was lying to get you away though and you were too cocky. Perhaps you didn't make eye contact and you didn't let her talk. Perhaps you didn't actually come across as interesting, just boastful.
That stuff you can control.
We need rejection. We need pain. Without it joy would lose meaning and without struggle, success would lose its pop.
In conclusion...
Life is beautiful because it is painful. You cannot simply avoid pain but it is imperative you learn to deal with pain appropriately.
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